Communication Clarity

This week I have felt a little more like myself. I had big plans for how this blog was going to look and how I was going to spent my evenings and weekends this year. As you would know from my previous posts, life had other things in store for me. Slowly, bit by bit, we are creeping back to the plan. 

The first part of getting back was actually admitting to myself just how much I was teetering on the edge. I have talked about it for the last few weeks but I did not see the extent. This was until Tuesday when I fully owned where I was, actually told people the extent and turned over some tasks. That day at work, I needed coffee and cake mid-afternoon (the Red-Velvet Cake was amazing) to get through the day. It was a simple question from my husband that triggered a mini meltdown. I told him, I am really struggling and felt on the verge of crying. His response “I love you, I got this xxx”. It was the best feeling. Its scary to own you are not coping but when you surround yourself with amazing people to hold you up, you realise how blessed you really are. 

That night when I got home from work, I made a point of thanking him for his support during the day and how much it meant to me. I also thanked him for all he does for me, not just that one day but all the time. This types of communication are important because it shows the other person you see them, the menial tasks they do mean something to you. I have been in multiple bad relationships. It these, I tried so hard to please and hold everything together yet I never felt seen. I felt like I was doing what I had to do, that was my role in life and I had no choice in it. I felt like I wasn’t seen, like I meant nothing and everything I tried and did do, meant nothing. Now, I make the effort to acknowledge these things as it communicates to my husband, I see you, I love you and I am thankful for you and all you do. This creates trust, love and cements the bond we have. We are a team and when you share the load, everyone is happy, and feels supported and is willing to carry their share. 

Wednesday was the next step forward. My son came over to have a talk with my husband and I. The circumstances of him leaving home where not the best. Our relationship was strained and there was a lot of hurt. With Mothers Day coming, it was important to clear the air and that’s what we did. I have seen first hand the negative impact that not talking about problems can have. For me, it is important that no matter how uncomfortable it is, you speak your truth and you listen to the other persons. They own their part and you yours. After my son left, both my husband and I felt like a massive weight had been lifted off our shoulders. Our relationship with our children is so important and means so much, for it to be strained was difficult. Now, we can move forward as a family and I am looking forward to building new relationships with my children as I am no longer responsible for them but are now actively in the guiding and supporting role. 

The rest of the week was spent on the couch. I got my flu vax Wednesday and Thursday the side effects hit me hard. Luckily by the weekend, I was starting to feel better. I needed the rest more than I thought I did. This weekend has been spent playing World of Warcraft, reading ‘An Offer from a Gentleman By Julia Quinn (Bridgerton #4) and getting back to cross stitch. I am currently working on a Star Wars cross-stitch for my husband. It is the first time I am working on Black material and let me tell you, it ain’t easy!

My Mothers day was lovely. My family took me out for breakfast and I was able to spend some time with both my children, their partners and my husband. I am truly blessed and was spoilt with flowers and craft kits - what more could a girl want who is trying to get her creativity back!!

Till next time my friends xx