My First Conference with Autism

Hello dear friends,

It has been a week since my last post and a crazy week at that. I have been in Melbourne for a conference for work. It was such a great time and there were many amazing things I will take back to my work with me.

City Views!

It was also massively over stimulating. I have not been to a major event or been around any serious crowds since my diagnosis and subsequent unmasking. Oh my, I can handle city crowds ok and I am getting better with driving in the city, as over time my confidence has increased and I can focus easier. 

I was not prepared for the crowds and the noise at the event. There were over 700 people at this conference, all squeezed into the once venue and it was literally shoulder to should, and the noice. WOW! I did not realise how much these things impacted me and I sat there and wondered how I had managed these things before. Realistically, I didn’t and there would be a melt down of some degree in my future.

I made it through the conference. By lunch time on day 2, I was completely done and I could feel myself shutting down. Luckily enough, I had an amazing colleague with me who is aware of my diagnosis and was able to support me through day 2. It started as a normal day, I was a bit tired because I hadn’t slept well the previous 2 nights because of being in difference surroundings. 

No one tells you that it is not just being away from home on trips like this. When you have autism, it is not just a different bed, it is the different smell of the bed, the smell and feel of the sheets, the smell and feel of the pillow case on your face, the sounds of the air conditioning, the sounds of the pipes, the sound of other people, the sounds outside….there are so many things that play on your senses.

So lunch time day 2. I had already struggled with the food the day before, it was ok, but not the food I would normally eat so I was picking and not really satisfied. Day 2 was a little better however I was slowly slipping into selective mutism. My decision making skills had gone offline in a missive way and I could feel myself shutting down. Again, I was lucky I had a trusted colleague with me and was able to say (or write in my case because conversation skills were leaving quickly) where I was at. We made the decision to leave early so I could escape and we would miss the peak our traffic. 

Best decision ever. Previously, I would always make myself stay to the end because that was the right thing to do. We still did not get home till late but after leaving the venue and being in the car, I was able to sit in the passenger seat, eat (a form of stimming) and start to be able to regulate myself again. It took a little bit but eventually I was feeling more ‘normal’ again. 

This was such an eye opening experience for me and I am really proud of how I handled it. Every day, and every experience like this, I learn more and more about myself, what I can and can’t do and how I can manage myself in different situations. 

To add to the week, we had family come and stay with us on the weekend. This was lovely and difficult at the same time because since my children have left home, it has just been myself and my husband. Our home is a safe space and whilst I feel completely comfortable with family and love them staying, I felt a shift in myself with having people here. Again, it is fascinating to have the space to observe myself and my reactions to life now I have my diagnosis and understand myself better. 

This is truly freeing because I can prepare for things that come my way and manage better and in turn do more. This week coming, and the next few weeks will be interesting as well. My husband has had to go away for a few weeks so it is just me at home. He will be back on the weekends but I cannot remember the last time I was at home by myself, with no children, longer than an hour or so. It has been about 4 hours since he left, and I had a nap (calmative tiredness from my week), walked around aimlessly for about an hour because I am lost without my routine (people are routines!). 

I feel like I am starting to adjust so stay tuned for next week and I will let you know how I go xx