Person Fixation

Hi! How are you? So I feel like now is time for one of the weird and wonderful parts of me to come out and stand in the light. One the the scary things about having a blog and putting things out there is, whilst I think there are others out there who experience similar things, what if there aren’t? What if I am just really weird? 

Much of this second guessing is associated with being Audhd. One of the things that are common for girls with this diagnosis is we are told we are to much, our personality, our talking, our energy - you get the point. There are also those social situations where you pick up on something askew, call it out and then the reply is, ‘thats not what I meant’. This is gaslighting and I stand by by true and tried saying; “say what you mean and mean what you say”. 

Anyhow, I digress.

Something that has followed me around for a good part (lets be real, as far back as I can remember) is my fixation with people. Typically, for people with autism or Adhd, its a fixation around people like a new partner or friend. I’m not quite talking about this, though I have done this. 

My fixation is with the persons values, my perception of them, how I think they are? This can borderline a little on idealism but its not quite that either. Its like something about that person catches my interest and I can’t escape it. Some examples that come to mind are a certain way a person acts, their lifestyle, a way they may dress, their style, their interests. It is like that one thing just speaks to me. I am not a creepy stalker I assure you, its just this one thing will live rent free in my head  for a long time. 

I also do this with fictional characters. 

I have few theories what this may occur. First, I think this is a form of masking. For me I would see something someone does and for some random reason my brain would be like, ‘yep, we need to do that to be accepted’. I can honestly say I have never tried to be like someone but I have definitely taken on things from others such as clothing style, or interests. 

My second theory is what ever it is that is standing out to me about the other person, is my inner self screaming to get out. I find that often the people I find myself interested in are creative or alternative types. Those who stand out and are a little different from the rest. It is like my brain can zero in on the little thing that makes them stand out and it call to me. 

Recently, I was sitting on insta, doom scrolling, as you do. I came across an account for an artist, poet and creative coach and oh my goodness, I followed that account and hyper fixated big time. I have followed them on all accounts. Funnily, it was the perfect thing I needed at the time. It was the universe going here is your next instalment for unmasking and becoming more you. This is what got me thinking about how I fixate on people because the content creator was so similar to many of the people I have fixated on in the past, to the point I remembered one person in particular and this is what got the train rolling for this post. 

Please leave a comment and let me know if this is unique to me or have you or someone you know experienced a similar thing.

Till next time xx